Hats and Bats
Updates from the coven
The headwitch is currently very busy as she has embarked on a new training, focusing on healing and fortifying ailments. Besides being absolutely overwhelmed by the new job, the new people and the new environment, she also has to be careful to hide her magic, or, as some would say, weirdness, from her non-magic colleagues. Hence, the days are long and the nights as well, because she basically sleeps every minute she is not at work.
On a more cheerful note, Halloween is almost upon us, and, with it, its spooky wonders. May the leaves be colorful, may the mushrooms be plentiful, may the magic be wild!
Familiars behaving very badly
Welcome to our new column: familiars behaving very badly! Together with our behavioral expert, Gracie, we will explore all things familiars.
Common imagery wants familiars to be the perfect companion, obedient, loyal and of course cute. But truth is, struggling with a familiar is more common than one would think. However, because of the stigma associated with this kind of problems, witches and wizards are often ashamed to talk about them. How can you expect others to take you seriously if you cannot even control your own familiar? Well, Gracie, witch, wererat and animal expert extraordinaire, is here to help!
Case 1: Marty and her frog familiar Elvis
Marty is having a lot of trouble with her frog Elvis because he quacks very loudly at passerby’s and guests. It has become so bad that friends and family are scared of stopping by and she constantly has to restrain the little frog. The situation has really become untenable!
Gracie: “This is a very common problem, often encountered with frogs. After having observed the interaction between Marty and Elvis, I have come to the conclusion that it is not so much a matter of training the familiar, as of training the witch! Whenever Elvis quacks Marty needs to tell him off with a stern No! and then reward him as soon as he relents, by offering encouraging words, a dead fly or a gently pet over the head. What she is doing now, trying to calm him with words and snacks all the while he keeps quacking, is understandable, but only reinforces the unwanted behavior.
Helpful? If not, stay tuned for the next episode where we discuss another commonly encountered familiar problem!
Pots and Potions
Are you in the mood for a real spooky soup that tastes deliciously spunky? Then this the recipe to try! From one of our readers, here comes the orange mushroom soup!
Ingredients:
- Weird mushrooms (preferably from the store)
- Half a pumpkin
- Onion
- Mustard
- Vinegar
- Water
- A pre-made black condiment with uncertain ingredients
Methods:
Add everything to a big old cauldron, cook for a long time and then blend everything until smooth, brownish-orangish in color. Enjoy! Or not.
Letters to O. the Asshole: For unwanted, unfriendly and unsympathetic advice.
Dear O. The Asshole,
I have just started a new job and I desperately want to do well. However, I don’t really know how, as I constantly feel clumsy and ignorant and a bit our of place. What should I do?
Anxiously awaiting your advice,
An Anxious New Employee
Best Anxious New Employee,
I can’t say I understand your struggle because I have always been very good at my job. However, I will share my extensive experience at being grand. The most important thing is to relax and don’t overcomplicate things: it’s all easier than you think. You must be cool above all else. In fact, your new motto should be: coolness at all costs.
Toxic greetings,
O. The Asshole
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