Hats and Bats
Updates from the coven
It’s spring, almost summer in fact, and I feel that the blooming of nature also reminds us of its importance, for our sustenance and for our well-being (while on the topic, if you live in Europe, don’t forget to vote this week!)
On another note, there are many celebrations going on in the coven at the moment. A great ball we be held and the exclusive guests will get a tour of the wonderful coven balcony (access is usually restricted). Presents are welcome and actually required if you want to be invited again.
The Cauldron of Culture
For this week’s cultural insert, we have sent our foreign correspondent Trolly the Travelling Troll to Germany. She attended a conference on advanced potion making and spell casting at a renowned international Magic Institute. You can read her report below.
The talks were fun if a bit complicated at times and the conference was very well-organized. In fact, it might have been the most organized thing I have ever witnessed. The location was gorgeous and had this really weird sculpture in the garden. It’s called the “Missing G” and if you know what the name refers to, you are better than me! Hint: it is located next to a building called the ATC. I loved it because this sculpture is such a nerdy concept that would never be cool anywhere else and yet it here it is just perfect! Finally, a safe haven for us nerds!
I also spent some time in the city and visited the local Castle, which contained a museum about ancient potion brewing. It was super interesting and a true inspiration for my own practice! Have you seen those cabinets? I wish WITCHKEA would sell furniture in this style, my own apothecary would look so much better!
Lifestyle
Spring is in the air, at least it should be, and the plants in the herb garden of every self-respecting witch are blooming. However, if you are new to the business of greenery, fear not because we have collected a number of useful tips for the rookies. Jeremiah Greentumb, a halfling with over ten years of experience as a gardener, has agreed to share his five top tips with us:
- Don’t be scared! Unless you are dealing with the Baby-Eating Deadly Deathflower or the Very Extremely Poisonous Multicolored Strawberry, which I would only recommend to experienced botanist anyways, you should be fine.
- Be patient! Contrary to popular belief, intently staring at plants does not make them grow faster. However, if you water them well and the weather is not too abysmal, they will flower and carry plenty of fruit.
- Fertilize! Your own turds will not do. I recommend compost of some sort.
- Befriend bees and insects! For this purpose, consider advertising your balcony or garden on buzzing.com, a popular website where bees and bumblebees book their holidays and staycations.
- Love your plants! A recent study published in the New Holland Journal of Hobbit Gardening has shown that singing or occasional petting of plants increases their growth by 0.001% each year.
Happy gardening!
Pots and potions
What do you do if your birthday is in summer? You may be have wondered. Well, of course! The only logical thing is to organize a Dune-themed birthday party! All you need is cakes and cocktails.
For the cakes:
· Make a Shai Hulud (sandworm) shaped Apfelstrudel. I know apples are not really in season, but Apfelstrudels are too good to be confined to the winter months. Oh, what’s the recipe you ask? This is neither a cookbook nor am I your grandma, so do us all a favor and google it.
· Make a sand-covered cake. You can either use real sand or opt for streusel. The filling could literally be anything (baker’s discretion advised).
For the cocktails:
After much research and planning, I have come to the conclusion that there are fundamentally two options:
· Google blue cocktail recipes until your eyes hurt. Then buy a lot of ingredients for even more money and make a cocktail you will probably only drink once because, really, you don’t love cocktails that much and you just wanted it to look like the Water of Life and turn your puke blue.
· Buy one bottle of Blue Curaçao. It will save you a lot of money, while still accomplishing the other two goals.
Happy partying!
O. The Asshole Advice
For mean and unwanted advice
Dear O. The Asshole,
I am organizing a birthday party, but I am very stingy and don’t want to spend too much money. I still want to invite a lot of people though, because I like getting both presents and attention. How would you suggest I should the deal with this dire problem?
Greetings,
Stingy Birthdaykid
Dear Stingy Birthdaykid,
How I understand you! I have faced the same problem many times before! Lucky for you, I have a few tried and tested tips!
First of all, I would suggest diluting the wine and the beer with water: I have found that a 1:3 ratio of alcohol:water is perfect (if you are using red wine, I would suggest telling your friends you are giving them rosé). This trick will also prevent people from getting overly drunk and doing unpleasant things such as puking.
The next tip I actually got from my old mentor: she once advised me to buy cheap sponge-like cake instead of a pie because you could cut more pieces from it.
Finally, you can invite people only once because then it really doesn’t matter if the party’s crap.
Hope this doesn’t help!
Unkind regards,
O. The Asshole
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